Almost 3 months ago I moved to California. After several years of the same friends, and the same city, and the same neighborhood I felt stagnant. Bored. Lacking achievements. Unmotivated. Unhappy. And all together just stuck in a rut.
The thing about a rut is that while your stuck-in-a-rut ass is sitting around being mopey, time seems to speed past you - as if to mock your state of indirection. Before you know it, you're rounding the corner toward 30. And all of the things that I thought I would and should have done by now are ghosts that I cant seem to shake. They hang around haunting me with reminders of inadequacy, inefficiency, and the fact that time that slips out of my grasp with taunting speed.
So I moved to California. I headed toward the ocean with a hope that I could shake the ghosts of failures past long enough to find my divinity again.
So here I am. Right in the thick of that struggle. I would say that there are good days and bad days but the truth is that it breaks down into moments. I can't deny that there are reminders every day of the reasons I don't consider myself "successful." And yet, every day I see moments of beauty that remind me that success is a fickle concept.
I am finding that most concepts in life are fickle...success, love, happiness, failure, morality, truth. They are contextual and fluid, yet unchanging in the fact that they are always present. They are like water rather than rock.
Which brings me to my basic foundation and philosophy for this outpouring (blog) that is about to commence..
As I face things that have haunted me for too long, I am reminded that water is stronger than rock. That fluidity is valuable and powerful, and that getting stuck on concepts that are fickle and contextual only prevents me from moving forward. I am at a place where I am seeking newness and renewal in every moment, while wanting to retain a centered and complete self. I am far from grasping this concept, but the idea is stirring.
